Honoring the Past to Heal the Present
- Stillness in Storms
- Feb 4
- 4 min read
Updated: Feb 15
Introduction: The Power of Storytelling in Cycles of Growth
As I reflect on how to honor this current phase of my life, I realize it’s part of a greater cycle of growth. Storytelling has emerged as the thread connecting my past, present, and future—a way to understand myself and the world around me.
Back in the day, our people told stories in the winter stillness, weaving wisdom, humor, and history into quiet evenings. These weren’t just tales for entertainment; they were maps—guides for navigating life, relationships, and hardship. Winter was a time for reflection and passing down knowledge.
By reconnecting with my mom's biological family and our culture, I hope to map their stories—and my own—to uncover patterns and create healing. But the journey of reconnection isn’t always easy. It comes with its own layers of loss, uncertainty, and transformation.
Honoring Ancestral Wisdom: Reconnecting Through Ritual
For many adoptees and their children, the struggle to feel rooted in an identity is a lifelong journey. This can be especially complicated in transracial adoption, where cultural disconnects often feel like missing pieces in the puzzle of self-understanding.
Growing up, none of my family looked like me except for my mom and little brother. There were questions about my identity that I couldn’t answer, questions that stirred embarrassment and shame. People asked where I was from, who my family was, what my heritage meant—and I had no words to offer them.
Reconnecting with my mom's biological family unearthed difficult emotions: hope, fear, grief, and even rejection. A significant portion of my life was spent building my identity around the stories, history, and genealogy of people I was not biologically related to. And yet, I was also shaped by those connections. Who was I now that I had access to the stories of my biological ancestors? What did it mean to belong in both places?
One of the ways I’ve begun bridging this gap is through ritual—the conscious practice of honoring, remembering, and connecting. Rituals don’t have to be elaborate; they can be simple, everyday acts that hold meaning. You can read more about rituals in the post "What are Rituals?"
Incorporating Rituals for Ancestral Connection
Here are some new small but powerful rituals I’ve started incorporating into my life:
Learning Choctaw prayers – Language carries ancestral memory. Each time I say a prayer in Choctaw, I feel a quiet connection to those who came before me, those who carried these words through time.
Lighting candles in remembrance – This simple act creates a space of stillness. I light a candle in honor of my ancestors, acknowledging their presence in my life.
Reciting a personal motto – I’m in the process of crafting a personal motto that reflects my journey of reconnection. Once translated into Choctaw, it will serve as a grounding reminder of my path.
Reflection Prompt: "What rituals help you feel grounded in the presence of your ancestors?"
The Power of Storytelling for Healing
Storytelling isn’t just about preserving the past—it’s about healing. It’s a way to bring clarity to our experiences, to make sense of what has been handed down to us, and to decide what we want to carry forward.
Through storytelling, we can explore generational patterns, honor our ancestors, and reframe our narratives. It’s a sacred practice that invites connection and reflection.
When I listen to the stories of my mother’s biological family, I don’t just hear names and dates—I hear resilience. I hear the echo of voices that carried joy and pain in equal measure. I hear a reminder that I am part of something bigger, something still unfolding.
Reflection Prompt: "What patterns from your family’s stories feel like they need healing or celebration?"
Mapping Your Own Story
Healing through storytelling isn’t just about looking back—it’s about integrating the past into our present and future. One way to do this is by mapping out your own story.
Simple Exercise: Life Story Mapping
Write out major life events, relationships, and turning points – What experiences have shaped you?
Notice the themes that emerge – Are there patterns of resilience, sacrifice, or love passed down through generations?
Consider what you want to keep, release, or transform – Which aspects of your story still serve you? Which ones do you want to heal?
By mapping your story, you begin the process of honoring and reclaiming it.
Honoring, Healing, and Moving Forward
Healing isn’t about erasing the past; it’s about finding ways to carry it with us in a way that feels whole. Honoring our ancestors—whether through storytelling, ritual, or personal reflection—can be a powerful way to root ourselves in both where we’ve come from and where we’re going.
If you’ve ever felt disconnected from your past or unsure of where you belong, I encourage you to start small. Light a candle, say a name, write down a story you remember. Healing isn’t about knowing all the answers—it’s about being present in the journey.
Let’s continue walking this path together.
Book Recommendations for Deeper Exploration
Take Back the Magic: Conversations with the Unseen World – Perdita Finn
Explores the power of ancestral connection and spiritual rituals.
The Story You Need to Tell: Writing to Heal from Trauma, Illness, or Loss – Sandra Marinella
A guide to using storytelling as a tool for healing and transformation.
Braiding Sweetgrass – Robin Wall Kimmerer
A powerful book on Indigenous wisdom, storytelling, and the deep connection between people and the land.
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